Daily Diary – 2/14/18

Why I Write These:

This is an initiative I started in 2018 to begin documenting my life better. It’s meant to be a snapshot of a day both for public disclosure of what is going on, both good and hard things in my life. It also serves as a record that I hope to be able to look back on in future years. This concept was inspired by my grandfather, Leon Milton Buttermore, who has a memory that I am envious of, and I hope that by doing this I am able to be the kind of man who starts to treasure the things given him.

Daily Highlights:

Godly thought of the day:

Jeremiah 17:9-10 says: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.

We would do well to remember that every single day we wake up needing saving from something. Not the circumstances of our day. Not that tough relationship you have in your life. Not that hard project you can’t wrap your head around.

To pray about those things early in the morning betrays that we don’t understand what we need first and foremost. We need saving from ourselves. Each and every day. It is only by asking God to come in and transform our desires so they do not lead us to death (James 1:13-15) and to deliver us from temptation and the evil one (Matthew 6:13) that we will ever be saved from what we most need protection from. We need protection from ourselves. We need protection from what might come out of us (Mark 7:15).

So we ought to pray in the morning for a change of desires so that the Lord may daily be transforming our hearts and minds so that they are His mind and His heart. Then, we might be able to approach those tough contexts, projects, and relationships with real hope.

Favorite meeting of the day:

Got a great meeting with John Mueller today! It was very encouraging to sit down with him and talk through where I’m at. He was very encouraging and offered great counsel to me. And I never mind a free burger at Hugo’s. 🙂

I’m just so grateful for elders who are worthy of the respect I am to show them. I am always reminded that when I am around them that they are men who seek and love the Lord our God. I can happily seek to imitate them as they imitate Christ.

Hardest part of my day:

Just when I got home. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I had little energy. I dropped to my knees though and just prayed. I’m finding that is the only way I can win in this life. There’s so much I want to do and there’s so little strength to do it. That is, until I pray. Then I seem to find a reservoir that seems alien to me. I suspect it is, in fact, alien.

But still, it was hard. I got home and want to go to sleep. I will fall asleep soon and shall enjoy the sleep. Sometimes life seems daunting when I try to look down the corridors of it to the end.

I’d say part of this was because I felt like an impostor the afternoon at work. Sometimes I just feel like I can’t get anything done right. It was that way this afternoon as I slogged through a project. I couldn’t stand it. I want to get things done efficiently, and by the end I just felt a little worthless. I don’t think the client felt that, but I am often my own harshest critic.

Perhaps this is why the Lord only shows us but a few steps at a time. I can certainly see how if I knew everything ahead of me, I would be despondent. But a few steps, that I can handle.

Favorite moment of the day:

I got to play the cajon at youth group tonight. And Guy asked me to play drums. I feel like that is almost a bygone part of my life. But every once in awhile, it is nice to bust out the sticks and hit things.

What was the weather like today?:

A very nice day again! It was kind of overcast and rainy, but a warm kind of day. I wore shoes that have almost no traction on the bottom of them anymore, so that was a mistake. But I thoroughly enjoyed walking around to different meetings today.

Most unfaithful moment of my day:

 

I made some jokes at youth group that were stretching it tonight. They were said for the sake of laughter and not for helping the overall group. That’s selfish of me. I think part of it is a genuine desire to be someone the kids like to spend time with, and having a sense of humor is helpful.

But I also need to be the kind of example that I hope I will be for them to look up to. I have much to improve on to really get there, but it helps hold me accountable to have them around me. I need to make sure my mind is fixed on Christ.

Perhaps this is what 1 Timothy 4:16 is partially hinting at? If my life is focused on laughs, then my hearers will think that is what I’m good for and my words will not be effective for stirring them up towards God.

What am I currently reading?:

Daily Bible Reading – Numbers 1 & 2

The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn – About to read more of this before bed. The past few chapters have been better. But hard to appreciate because of the base. Are there really people motivated by “storing up treasures” in Heaven? I guess that’s great for them. I want Christ. I don’t know how people get up in the morning for treasures there. That seems so vain. My mind sickens, honestly, at the thought. Perhaps if it helps others do good works, then so be it. But I cannot get my head around it thus far.

Dangerous Calling by Paul Tripp – I did not read any of this today, but it will be on the docket for future weeks as I do it for a reading group, which will keep me moving through it.

Church History by Eusebius – No reading for this today. It will be a periodical read at best.

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave by Ed Welch – This is going to be a very good read! He lays the hammer down on what addictions are. He’s not afraid to say hard things and reorganizes thoughts around sin and worship to help convict the heart. Unless it goes somewhere crazy, I can heartily recommend.

What was for dinner?:

Cheeseburger hamburger helper that my mom sent home as leftovers. I felt sick from lots of heart-shaped cookies at youth group, so it was good that it wasn’t too much.

Song of the day:

Lord, I Need You by Matt Maher – Self-explanatory title. I love the line “Lord, where you are I am free. Holiness is Christ in me.” Let’s invite him in. Behold he stands at the door and knocks. Will we open the door. That verse in Revelation 3 is written to believers, not non-believers. We need to respond.

Prayer of the day:

Lord, sustain me. I am desperate for your grace in my life. I can’t do this by myself. If you don’t hold me fast, I’ll stray. My heart is prone to wander. I would seek after the comforts of this world. Food, women, and wealth. Perhaps in that order? I’m not sure, but I would go after them. But Lord, that’s because my own heart is sinful. Oh, Lord! Who will save me from this wretched man that I am? It is only you, Christ Jesus — the Righteous One.

Amen.

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