Daily Diary – 5/10/18

Why I Write These:

These are written in honor of my grandfather, Leon Milton Buttermore, who has a memory that I am envious of, and I hope that by doing this I am able to be the kind of man who starts to treasure the things given him.

Daily Highlights:

Godly thought of the day:

Luke 2:22-24 says: “When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”, and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

I don’t know why I’ve never seen it before, but Jesus in Luke is quickly presented as a perfect fulfillment of the law. You couldn’t ask for someone who was following the law any better. Yes, he wasn’t necessarily making choices. But everything from his birthplace to how he is presented at the temple is supposed to get us excited!

Of course, the appearance of Simeon and Anna at the temple later on and their exaltation of the Lord just drives this point home.

Favorite meeting of the day:

Got to have time with Andrew Nunn and Daniel Keene. We all caught up, confessed some sin to one another, and I think we all were helped to understand some things going on in our life. I am grateful for them and their presence. It was what I needed to help me towards greater sanctification.

Hardest part of my day:

I have not felt very healthy with a lack of cooking going on recently. I need to work on that. I don’t like all the eating out I’ve had to do. I need to get some groceries and make some meals at some point.

Favorite moment of the day:

Ultimate practice was awesome tonight. I felt really good and it was fun to not be a captain! I just get to run around and be myself and make plays. I’m going to enjoy this season, especially if it is my last.

What was the weather like today?:

Good weather to throw a disc around in! Seriously, you can’t ask for a better day to be out playing ultimate in.

Most unfaithful moment of my day:

I stayed home from work today. There’s 3 problems with this.

One, I realize that sometimes I stretch the truth to justify my own predilections. I had a bit of gunk in my chest and I decided that was enough reason to stay home, even though I wasn’t really that sick. It was selfish.

But the bigger problem comes that I just haven’t been stewarding well what the Lord has given me in life. I have come back this week and looked with disdain towards my work. It’s something I go to hesitantly and that’s not right.

I also struggled with lust. And just like David who was not out at the time when kings went to war, I ended up masturbating today. That was a blow and I realize that I just came back this week and let my apathy feed my inability to take joy in my circumstances and that led to rebellion in my heart.

I confessed all this to Andrew and Daniel, as well as Evan, and plan to continue being honest about it. I don’t want to be defined by sin, and Ephesians 5 says to expose things to the light so that we may not have darkness exherting power over us. So I will practice confession to help make sure this rebellion does not continue. It must not.

I know that my sexual failure is not great, but the bigger issue is really that I just wasn’t following the Lord. I should have gone to work today. I know that may seem weird to think of as the bigger issue, but my apathy towards work really is the deeper heart issue here and if I had gone to work I’m quite sure that I would not have had the same struggle with lust that I did. I also struggled a bit Tuesday when I stayed home for a solid chunk of the day. The days I have pushed through and been engaged have not been a struggle. That’s a lesson for me. I wrote this week off as kind of a lost week after returning to the week so tired, and I came into it with all the wrong attitudes.

What am I currently reading?:

Daily Bible Reading – 1 Chronicles 11 & 12

Dangerous Calling by Paul Tripp – He discussed how we can lead separate lives. That the things we preach are the things we never practice in private. Kind of redundant material at this point. The book could have been quite a bit shorter.

Church History by Eusebius – No reading for this today.

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave by Ed Welch – No reading for this today.

No Place for Truth: Or Whatever Happened to Evangelical Theology? by David F. Wells – No reading for this tonight.

On the Bondage of the Will by Martin Luther – No reading for this today.

What was for dinner?:

Two 5-layer burritos from Taco Bell. A sparkling ice to chase it down.

Song of the day:

Lord (I Don’t Know) by Newsboys – I just don’t know sometimes. My favorite part of this is that at one point Furler just lets out a primal scream. You can hear the conflict emerging in this scream as he’s asking to be led to peace. I need the same thing. I don’t understand my duplicity. I don’t understand the future. I just don’t get it. But I need to cry desperately out to the Lord in order to fight this sin. I will not let sin take roost in my life.

Quote of the day:

“Some of the most underrated words spoken by Jesus is ‘A prophet has no honor in his hometown'” — Daniel Keene

I really identified with this as he spoke. We were talking about how going home is hard. Part of it is losing the routine of faithful disciplines you are immersed in. That is hard. Disruption is something Satan loves to work into our lives. But I also remember moments just being in a room with family members and just feeling like I was completely alone. Part of this, I’m sure, is the modern struggle of families being spread out. But what do you do when you go home and all you are to most people is the kid they grew up with? It’s frustrating. You pour yourself out. You serve. Maybe you make more of an impact than you realize. But returning home after establishing a life in a different city is always just a weird and trying experience. I don’t say this as if I don’t love my family, or that they’re not worth effort. Just that I feel odd returning home. I think I understand a bit more how Jesus must have felt returning to Nazareth.

Prayer of the day:

Lord, I don’t know how you did it. I don’t know how you took the strain of life and stayed perfect. I certainly don’t. I feed my apathy. I rebel. I sin. I take part in the grand design of humanity to try and shirk off the yoke that is God and place ourselves there instead. Lord, I also don’t know how you forgive this. I don’t get why you put up with humans who live in such constant duplicity. Not one of us goes through a day without acting in a way that completely defies who we say we are. Lord, forgive me. Raise me up. Break me. Bruise me. Discipline me if necessary. I am yours. I was bought at a price, and you deserve far more than I have given you. Lord, please do not take your discipline away from me, but instead lead me into a greater state of sanctification as I learn about who you are. Thank you, Lord, for faithful brothers who help you process what is going wrong in life. Lord, may that confession between brothers fuel a true and deep confession to you, my Savior, my God, so that the grace I so desperately need can be mediated to me. I love you, Lord. I know I hardly show it in how I live and talk so often, but Lord I desperately want to be defined by you, not sin. Help me learn how to do that.

Amen.

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